Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

A few weeks ago, I found myself to be the only post-op patient at one of the support groups I attend. The others there were still in the decision-making part of their process and I found myself explaining why I choose to have surgery and why I chose the surgery I did.

The natural progression of this blog is to explain myself to you, my readers.

Why I chose to have surgery:

As I mentioned in my last post, I had tried every diet and weightless plan known to man and even if it worked initially, it never lasted. I knew I was in a place that I needed more help than a diet or weightless plan... I needed consequences for my actions that were beyond my control.

Why I chose a gastric bypass:

In the past if I got off track, the only consequence was that I beat myself up mentally and usually gained my weight back. The gastric bypass provided the consequences I needed that were beyond my control. If I eat too much it makes me physically sick, if I eat something too sweet or too greasy-- I get sick. It often makes you vomit or feel like you will. In addition to a small stomach, the gastric bypass actually re-routes your digestive system which changes the way your body reacts to food. Let me clarify here that the consequences provided by the gastric bypass are only temporary if you keep testing the waters, the body becomes used to these things and you no longer have the reaction. Also, if you don't follow the rules and eat slowly, your stomach will stretch out permanently. The new stomach expands and contracts like a normal one, but if you keep filling it with too much food, too fast-- it will stretch permanently.

There were two other choices my surgeons office provided: The gastric sleeve or gastric banding (ie: Lap Band).

The gastric sleeve wasn't covered by my insurance, so it was not an option for me. Gastric banding was an option that I decided against. There are several reasons I didn't want it.

First, out of the 3 choices, the banding procedure provided the least amount of weight loss.

Second, since banding provided the least amount of weight loss I didn't think that would keep me motivated. Motivation was a big part of my diet failures-- I would do really well, but once I quit losing weight, I would lose my motivation. I needed to loose 150 lbs and many of the people I know or have met that had the banding stopped losing weight around the 50lb mark.

Third, it requires maintenance. For the lap band to work, it requires that the patient have it filled with saline by way of a port that is inserted under the skin and injected with a needle. I have no fear of needles, but I knew that with the kind of schedule I keep there was no way I could make the appointments to maintain the band.

In the end, it comes down to one thing: the gastric bypass provided me the best tool for weight loss and the best chance at achieving permanent weight loss.

Chronicles of the last year

I recently heard a lady speak at a Bariatric support group who was 10 years post-op (she had her gastric bypass 10 years ago) and she had this journal with weekly thoughts, observations and pictures. It was then that I realized how much I regret not creating a blog or journal...I didn't even take pictures monthly, let alone weekly! So, if any of my readers have some of those "early days" pictures, I would love a copy.

Before I move to the present, I want to recount the past without going into too much detail (much more to come later).

I remember when they wheeled me into the operating room and put me on the bed, I thought "Darla, what have you done?" but that was the last thought I had before I woke up a few hours later in my hospital bed with a tiny stomach and new digestive system.

I lost my weight very fast, by the end of February (5 months after surgery) I had already lost 90 pounds...that's when I started having complications. At that time, I began having severe back pain, right below my scapula on both sides. So excruciating that I couldn't sit for more than 20 minutes at a time, I spent the majority of my time lying on the sofa with a heating pad...which only took the "edge off". I was in my drs office and/or urgent care at least on a weekly basis because all of the shots and medication they gave me wasn't working. I was so drugged up that I could barely function, it made me sick-I couldn't keep any of my food down. This went on for months, in May they removed my gallbladder as that may cause back pain and many Bariatric patients have problems with their gallbladder. I was then hospitalized in June and July for an obstruction which is just when something is in your digestive track is blocking the food you eat from continuing down the digestive track. Usually for bariatric patients, it's scar tissue (called a stricture). They stick a camera down your throat (while you're asleep of course) and use a balloon to open up the track. All the while, I still couldn't keep any food and very little fluid down. My back was still in horrible pain and by then I had found a Chinese dr who was doing acupuncture twice a week to relieve my pain. He insisted that it was my stomach causing my pain. By this time I had lost a total of 165 pounds.

On August 10, 2011 I was having symptoms AGAIN (throwing up all of my food) and with a Labor Day trip to Vegas booked, I scheduled another scope with dilation to open my digestive track. I couldn't be sick for Vegas! The GI dr woke me up from the procedure and told me that my gastric outlet had torn and that I had to have emergency surgery to repair it. Later that evening, I was told that I did indeed have an obstruction-- a surgical staple had worked its way into my gastric outlet and that's what was causing all of my vomiting issues. Six days later, I walked out of the hospital with a huge surgical wound across my stomach but able to eat, and drink. The most amazing part was that my back pain was also gone! The Chinese Dr had been right! For those who haven't already guessed, Vegas had to wait for me to recover.

Today, as I write this I have to say this is the best I have felt in so long that I can't remember the last time.

I didn't write this to scare anyone, although I know my story has already scared those close to me that have lived it with me. I wrote it down to tell my story, everyone is different and everyone has a different experience and I encourage everyone even half-way considering it to continue. I would do it again without a second thought.

In the beginning...

I grew up in Small Town America, where I was the "big girl"-- not necessarily the "fat girl". I was always the tallest girl in my small class and always 10-20 pounds over-weight, and an added bonus to my poor body image-- a horrific case of acne! It was my pre-teen/teenage years that I began wishing that I was not only skinny but petite-- like many of the other girls that I went to school with. It took quite a few years to appreciate my height and realize that when I walked into a room, I was the first person anyone saw! I developed a love of fashion and dressing for the occasion, even though I love dressing to "the 9's" I didn't love my body and felt helpless to change it or stop the weight I kept packing on.

Like many, I have tried every diet, pill, and program out there. Although I was successful with some, the minute I stopped following the program or regimen to the letter I began to gain the weight back plus an extra 10 or 20 pounds. I figured that I was meant to be fat and there was no point in putting in the effort. In June 2010, I weighed 287 and I decided: "drastic times called for drastic measures" and I went to see my physician about bariatric surgery (ie: weight loss surgery)...and thus my journey began.

Today, I stand 5'9" and weigh 130lbs but it wasn't easy and changed my life in ways I never could have imagined on that day in June.